


A Fan-Stache-Tic Challenge

by Mrssakurahatake



Category: Naruto
Genre: Crack Fic, Gen, Hokage Kakashi, I have no excuse for this one, Minor Haruno Sakura/Hatake Kakashi, eternal rivals, it just popped in my head and wouldn't go away, purely self indulgent ninja crack, rivalry challenge, so i am unleashing it on the world
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-01
Updated: 2021-02-01
Packaged: 2021-03-12 16:48:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,345
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29138811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mrssakurahatake/pseuds/Mrssakurahatake
Summary: The elders might not approve of the Hokage participating in rivalry challenges, but that isn't going to stop him. They just have to be more creative.
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi & Maito Gai | Might Guy
Comments: 13
Kudos: 32





	A Fan-Stache-Tic Challenge

**Author's Note:**

> Beta's by the wonderful Al-Holland

Day 1. 

“Kakashi!” The booming voice stopped him in his tracks.There was only one man who could be that loud while enunciating that well. There were two choices, he could take off, or acknowledge the owner.

As it was the middle of the day, the streets were filled with civilians meandering in and out of shops and chatting all around him. He eliminated the option of running without further thought, and turned to face his assailant. 

A lazy wave was met with an enthusiastic thumbs up and cheshire grin. “My Rival!” Gai boomed. 

“Yo,” Kakahsi replied with a wave of the hand not holding an orange book, not letting any level of his wariness at the situation show. 

“I challenge you to--

“Not here,” Kakashi cut him off, actually wincing as he looked around them to make sure they hadn’t been overheard, before shoving Gai off the crowded streets and down an alley where they were less likely to be overheard. “What are you thinking? You know the counsel will have a fit if someone heard you.”

“Astute as ever, but I have taken their unreasonable objections into account.” 

While Kakashi couldn’t disagree that the council was unreasonable, off the battlefield, Gai’s plans always left him wary. Kakashi could only nod for Gai to continue. 

Standing proud and tall, with an unexplainable twinkle in his eye, Gai held his arm out to point at this rival, thus proving how serious he really was. “I challenge you to a  _ mustache growing contest! _ ”

Kakashi’s practiced cool demeanor was temporarily shattered as the shock watched over his face. “A what?” 

Gai, assuming Kakahsi hadn’t heard him properly, stood a little taller before booming out, “I said a mustache growing contest!” 

Kakashi winced at the volume and hoped they hadn’t attracted any unwanted attention. “A what?” 

“We take the next month and see who can grow the better mustache.”

Kakashi considered it for a moment, and try as he might, he couldn’t find a single objection. The counsel wouldn’t know, Gai wouldn’t be able to monitor his progress with the mask, and there was no real effort involved. It was almost too perfect. 

“So whoever grows there better lip warmer wins?” Kakashi asked, still looking for the catch. 

Gai smiled broadly, knowing he had Kakashi hooked. “Exactly. We’ll judge them on fullness, grooming, and originality.”

As Kakashi made his way home, it occurred to him, more than once that this entire thing was just a way to see under his mask.

Gai was the only person he knew who had never tried to trick him into removing it. It didn’t seem likely he would start now. No, despite all appearances this was a serious challenge, and one Kakashi was going to have to find a way to win. 

Genetics were not in his favor. He remembered Dai well, and if Kakashi was up against those genes, fullness was out of the question. He was just going to have to win for originality.

As soon as he was home he pulled out Sakura’s laptop. The cursor blinking in the search bar, finally he typed  _ types of mustaches.  _ He took a moment to marvel at the wealth of information suddenly available at his fingertips, before he began to casually scroll through the images. 

He was so overwhelmed and lost in the options that he didn’t even hear his wife come inside, or walk up behind him. 

Her giggle brought him back to reality, and he slammed her computer closed. The mirth in her eyes told him it was too late. She had seen everything.

His look of horror was too much and sent Sakura from giggling to a full fit of laughter that left a stitch in her side and tears streaming from her eyes. She wiped them away as she caught her breath. "Why are you looking at handlebar face pubes?"

Kakashi considered his options. He could deny it, but knowing Sakura she would just ask again when he wasn't expecting it. Telling her would be easier, and she was a medic, she had to know something that would help. "Gai challenged me to a mustache growing contest." Even he couldn't help notice just how pathetic he sounded. This was the worst challenge ever.

Sakura must not have thought so. She fell into another fit of laughter. "What's the  _ rivalry score _ ?"

"We're tied!"

“Well you better get prepared to be behind. I've seen pictures of his dad. You're so screwed."

Day 3.

Kakashi leaned in close to his reflection in the bathroom mirror, letting the light just catch the silver fuzz that was starting to show above his upper lip. Sure it wasn't much, but it had only been a couple days; the hairs were probably just too light to be seen just yet.

Day 10.

Kakashi was starting to grow concerned. It didn't help that every time Sakura saw him pull down his mask to check his upper lip, she cackled wildly. Just whose side was she on anyway?

He was also getting very suspicious at Gai's sudden disappearance. Gai was the type to pop into his office every few days, and now it had been over a week. This could be very good, maybe it was going well?

Day 14.

"Morning Hokage-sama," Cougar greeted.

"ANBU should not be seen or heard." Kakashi looked up and could see the smirk even behind that infernal mask. "Much like genin, which I will give you a team of if there isn't a point to this interruption."

"I was just gonna ask if you'd seen Gai lately. He is really starting to look like his dad."

Kakashi swallowed hard, hoping to whatever gods were listening that didn't mean what he thought it meant. "If you don't get out of my face right now they will be calling you Genma-sensei for the next decade."

He was gone before Kakashi could finish his sentence, but somehow Kakashi could still feel the laughter directed at him.

Day 19.

"Guess who came by the hospital today," Sakura said as she barged into his office without knocking.

Kakashi didn't look away from the team of genin trying hard to focus on him and not the sudden interruption with wide eyes. Instead he threw the D-ranked mission scroll to Chouji. "Remember, every mission this village takes is important. They are how we provide for our people. This is your first mission as shinobi of Konoha, and I expect you to act like it. Dismissed."

Sakura smiled shyly at them as they filed past her, with a feeling that little speech was as much for her as it had been for them. Maybe she should have knocked, but this was important... Well, interesting, at least.

"I'd imagine a great many people come by the hospital. You're going to have to give me more to go on."

She was across his office and seated on the corner of his desk in the blink of an eye, eager to continue her story. "Lee!"

"What's so exciting about that, Lee is in the hospital at least once a month from one foolish idea or another."

"Yes, but he hasn't always been growing a porn ‘stash." She held up both hands, curling two fingers on each to indicate air quotes, before continuing, "in solidarity with his sensei."

"It can't be that full yet!" Kakashi stammered, panic clear in his voice.

Sakura was shaking with mirth at his pain, and Kakashi was sure he heard Tenzou's laughter mixed in with Genma's. The traitors.

"It really is. He looks so weird. He started about a week after you guys did. Gai's been spending a lot of time at the shrine meditating, and Lee didn't even know about the challenge until then. He was distraught that Gai would embark on this challenge without telling him."

Day 23.

There was only one week left, and Kakashi was starting to lose hope. The kunai scraped the skin of his cheek before he held it up to the light, looking for any signs of silver mixed in with the lather. Had he really been shaving  _ nothing _ all these years? That couldn't be right?

Or maybe it could. With that depressing thought he ran his kunai under the water to wash away the lather and wiped it on a towel.

"Kakashi, hurry up. We're going to be late."

Kakashi pulled his customary black sleeveless shirt with attached mask on before walking back into their shared bedroom. Sakura pouted at the sight of him with his mask on and his lower half still wrapped in a towel. He hadn't let anyone see him without a mask in the last two weeks, not even his wife. She would just laugh at him.

"You can't be late for hanging out at the bar. There is no set time."

"Says the man who was late for his own inauguration."

"Fine, let's go."

"As much as it would take away from what's not happening on your face, you still have to wear pants."

Day 24.

Kakashi awoke with a splitting headache. He pried one eye open to find the sun was brighter today than it had ever been, and that damned song bird was certainly louder. The night before had been fraught with bad decisions, starting with leaving his house. His choice of friends was also growing more questionable by the day. They all kept getting uncomfortably close trying to see the "stash line" that should surely be showing through his mask at this point.

It seems, despite the entire plan being devised to be kept secret, everyone knew. Maybe if he was very lucky the elders would catch on and try to shut the whole thing down. He groaned at that too, being rescued by those old bastards would be worse than losing.

Day 27.

Desperate times called for desperate measures. Kakashi was about to try something he'd never done before, not for something like this anyway. He'd sneaked out of his office a full two hours earlier than Shikamaru had planned, picked up all of Sakura's favorite desserts, and stopped by Yamanaka Flowers to send some pre-date-night flowers to his wife at the hospital.

Even the best plans go tits up without warning. There had been an accident on the training grounds, and Sakura was hours late getting home, completely exhausted. Maybe it would be better to ask tomorrow.

Day 28.

Kakashi served the deserts for breakfast with strong coffee in Sakura's favorite mug. Hopefully, she was rested and her chakra had fully restored. Both because he always worried when she overdid it like this, and because he still needed her help. It really was more first one, he told himself as he sat the breakfast on her bedside table and gently shook her awake.

"Mmm, what time is it," she mumbled, burying her face in the pillow.

"It's a little after eight. I need to be going soon."

She rolled over taking a sweet treat from the tray. "Thank you," she mumbled between bites.

"You're welcome. How are you feeling this morning?"

"Not as bad as I thought. My chakra is mostly restored."

"Ah, um about that?" Scratching the back on his neck, he said on the side of the bed. "Is there some medical ninjutsu that can make hair grow faster?"

Despite her exhaustion she sat up fully, her eyes twinkling in delight. "Are you asking me to help you cheat... In a rivalry challenge?"

"It's not cheating. It's just exploring every possible avenue in order to win. In other words, being a good shinobi."

Sakura never did answer him. Just her delighted expression was enough for him to know it was time to admit defeat.

Her laughter could still be heard as he ran along the rooftops to his office.

Day 30.

He'd broken down and let Sakura see under the mask last night. He could still hear her calling it a 'fuzzy wittle caterpillar'. It was clear for the first time, in a very long time, he was going to be behind in the ongoing count, and that didn't sit right with him.

The day dragged on as he awaited Gai's appearance, and Kakashi didn't miss the growing number of shinobi that seemed to be milling around the administrative office. Most were there hoping to see under his mask, but a few were there just to see Gai's victory. Both groups deserved to be chasing cats for the rest of the careers, and they would if it was up to him.

Gai silently slipped through his window just after dusk. Kakashi spun his chair around just as his rival’s feet hit the floor.

“Alert as ever. Exactly what I would expect from you,” Gai greeted, his trademark smile hidden behind a green replica of the signature mask Kakashi wore. 

“Why the window?” 

“I’ve been waiting all day for the crowd to thin out, once it was dark and they were still here I figured this is the best way. I want to know who won, but that doesn’t mean everyone gets a peek under the mask.”

“Cougar, everyone out.” Kakashi ordered, giving them a stern look as his ANBU emerged from the shadows and filed out of the room grumbling among themselves. 

“On three,” Kakashi said. 

Gai nodded his agreement hooking a finger into his own mask. “Three!” Then he pulled the green face covering to pool around his neck. 

Kakashi pulled his down just to his upper lip leaving the sad display of silver that was nothing more than peach fuzz on display. 

Gai however was sporting a full push broom over his blinding grin. There was no need for an outside opinion. Kakashi pulled his mask back up and acknowledged his defeat. 

Gai’s eyes lit up, but he never gloated in his victories. Instead his mind was already thinking of the next adventure. “Last one to the bar pays!”

“Wait… that’s too easy. Last one to steal five jonins’ headband on their way to the bar pays.” 

“You’re on!” Gai yelled, already jumping from the window. 

**Author's Note:**

> I'm also mrssakurahatake on tumblr.


End file.
